Best Friends, Worst Enemies Pdf Download

Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children Hardcover – August 28, 2001
Author: Ph. D. Michael Thompson ID: 0345438094

From Publishers Weekly

Not since Dr. Spock or Penelope Leach has there been such a sensitive and practical guide to raising healthy children and this one doesn’t end at potty training. Child therapists Thompson (coauthor of bestseller Raising Cain) and Cohen (Playful Parenting) have teamed up with Washington Post columnist and children’s writer Grace (all three are parents) to describe the social lives of kids and the appropriate roles of parents, teachers and school administrators. They explore the stages of children’s development, from parent-bonded to quasi-asocial toddler, the learning-the-rules phase in elementary school and adolescent and romantic bonding. Each phase may bring some negative experiences including some outright cruelty that can be hard on both parents and children, but sometimes necessary for learning about the world. They advise parents to think of themselves as “lifeguards” at the pool, aware of what’s going on with their kids, but only intervening in the rare crisis. The book wraps up on a practical note, with chapters on how schools can be proactive and how parents can be most useful. Their advice? Don’t worry so much, set a good example, keep perspective and relax most kids turn out okay. Thompson and Grace’s breezy “we’ve all been there” anecdotal style will bring great comfort to any parents who’re worried about their kid’s social life in other words, any parent. (Sept.)Forecast: The planned 12-city author tour and print advertising in the New York Times and USA Today will yield big sales, supported by the strength of Thompson’s name and Grace’s media connections.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Bullying has become an area of concern in the media and society. This book discusses that topic but weaves it into a broader study of children’s friendships. Thompson, a clinical psychologist and coauthor of Raising Cain; Grace, an author of children’s books and a former columnist for the Washington Post; and psychologist Cohen (Playful Parenting) present a developmental perspective as they describe how children’s social lives develop from toddlerhood to adolescence. Research and analysis are interspersed with personal anecdotes and vignettes in an engaging style. The book concludes with advice to teachers and parents on how to improve social life in schools and support children’s friendships. This is not a formulaic, how-to book. As the authors themselves acknowledge, the best way to learn about friendship is to practice it. However, it does provide useful perspective on a critical aspect of adolescent development, which tends to be overlooked until schoolyard feuds erupt into violent confrontations. The book may also be reassuring to parents since it outlines information on current dating styles, acceptable ranges of friendship patterns, and normal gender differences in interpersonal relationships. Recommended for public library parenting collections to complement Charlene C. Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese’s more narrowly focused Cliques: 8 Steps To Help Your Child Survive the Social Jungle (LJ 2/1/01). Antoinette Brinkman, M.L.S., Evansville, IN
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Hardcover: 320 pagesPublisher: Ballantine Books; 1 edition (August 28, 2001)Language: EnglishISBN-10: 0345438094ISBN-13: 978-0345438096 Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 1 x 9.5 inches Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds Best Sellers Rank: #424,874 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #193 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Psychiatry > Child #239 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Friendship #706 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Parenting > Teenagers
This book deserves many more than five stars for its careful, thoughtful, and detailed look at how children develop their social lives. Like all remarkable books, it will extend your understanding beyond your personal life experiences and provide simple, common sense guidelines for achieving outstanding results. If you only read one book this year about improving the social life of your child, make it this one!
Every book I read about the psychological problems of youngsters focuses on the forms of social exclusion and bullying that typically occur in schools and neighborhoods. Best Friends, Worst Enemies takes that as the starting point, explains what causes the social exclusion and bullying, and details what schools and parents can do to eliminate it.
Social connection between children begins at a younger age than most people believe. The book details videotaped studies of infants watching and connecting with each other. Then, step-by-step, the authors show you how social interaction develops from those early months through to dating. I was particularly impressed by the conceptual description of youngsters being assigned a place versus the in group (in or out, and high or low status in that role). Although I could not articulate it, that certainly captures my recollection of those painful teenage years.
The use of animal studies is persuasive for the ways that humans often behave. I found myself chuckling over the descriptions of Alpha male and Queen Bee female behaviors.
The best part of the book is that it points out that exclusion is bad for those who do it, as well as for those who suffer from it. So all parents and all youngsters should be concerned.
The book avoids being too technical about psychological concepts.
This book has been a help in understanding my five-year-old’s peer relationships, and is thought-provoking even for non-parents. I found the book well-organized and well-written. It helps make sense of children’s behavior in terms of their needs for "connection, recognition, and power." It points out that children balance these three needs. Soon after reading this book, my son provided a stunningly concrete example of this. He and his friend had drawn chalk "tornado spinners" on the driveway. My son said, "My tornado spinner is more powerful than yours, because it’s bigger." The other boy quietly said, "I’m not sure if I want to be friends with you any more." My son said, "OK, OK, they’re the same power." The need for connection had won over the need for power and recognition.
There are some helpful hints to be gleaned from the book as well. Here’s one I related to. Often, if a child has a problem at school with another child one day, the parent will tend to ask the child on the following day, "So, how did it go with Johnny today?" Your child, meanwhile, had forgotten all about the problem, but your comment provokes a "come to think of it…" reaction, causing the child to continue to dredge up negatives.
The book divides children into "accepted," "rejected," and "neglected" types, to describe how their peers treat them. I fell squarely into the "neglected" category, which I think explains my lack of understanding of the "need to belong" that so many people feel — I wasn’t really "in the game."
The authors mention a fascinating psychological experiment dealing with the need to belong.

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